his wholiness the rev drjon (drjon) wrote,
his wholiness the rev drjon
drjon

Rising of the Reflux in the Redux of the Unbearable Lightness of the Rememberance of the Dawn of the Night of the Revenge of the Death of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Defeat of the Conquest Beneath the Journey to... the Planet of the EUJ

The Evil Uncle John strikes again. I thought I posted this ages ago, but Google says not*. Also, I seem to have maxed out the LJ subject field... w00t...
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
  • Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
  • Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  • For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
  • A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  • If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
  • You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
  • If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
  • Always remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • And finally, a daily thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
*Although I did post the laxative one as a Clerks joke one time.
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