And here is the USAnian Weather Report, care of flameamongcoals
+60°F (+15°C) Sweater sales appear up and down the west coast.
+50°F (+10°C) Florida retirees freeze to death.
+40°F (+5°C) Breath becomes visible. Atlanta crime hits an all-time low as people stay indoors. Ohio natives go sunbathing.
+35°F (+2°C) Italian cars don't start.
+32°F (0°C) Water freezes.
+30°F (-1°C) You plan to move south. Ohio natives wear bananahammocks to conceal shrinkage. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars don't start.
+25°F (-4°C) Boston water freezes. The global warming hippies freeze to death, anchored in frozen puddle of their own filth. Colorado people go topless. Canadians go swimming.
+20°F (-7°C) You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents rip off their doors and sail them to Cuba.
+15°F (-10°C) French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you.
+10°F (-12°C) Too cold to breathe. You need jumper cables to start the car.
+5°F (-15°C) You plan your vacation in Hell. American cars don't start.
+0°F (-18°C) Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to move.
-10°F (-23°C). German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15°F (-26°C) You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects. Floridians cease to exist.
-20°F (-30°C) Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Pennsylvanians shovel snow. Japanese cars don't start.
-25°F (-32°C) Too cold to think. You need jumper cables for…something.
-30°F (-34°C) You plan a two-week hot bath. The mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.
-40°F (-40°C) Californian breaks off and falls into the ocean. People in Oregon button their shirt. Sweater sales reach Canada. Your car drives south on its own.
-50°F (-46°C) Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80°F (-62°C) Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.
-90°F (-68°C) Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.